The Illusion
| January 31st, 2009This is not how I planned my life, not what I wished for, not what I would wish on my worst enemy. I thought at one point, that this was a choice, that I was indeed master of my domain. I could control this everlasting shadow dulling down my senses, erasing a stroke at a time the little I have left of memories. I cant say for sure that I know what day this is, they float into each other more than I care to like, more than I care to endure.
Ive put on a mask, you might think its because I want to make my life easier, there is some truth to that, but thats not what lead me to do it. The pain I see in the eyes of those that care for me, those that love me, thats an unbearable pain that far superseeds the pain my body musters to pump the vains with. Its much easier to tell people a fraction of the truth than to let it all out, I think I can cope with that, that the lies make their day a little less tiresome.
Atleast thats what I hope. It might all be in my head tho, Im not quiet there yet, where Im sure this all is just one big illusion..
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